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About Pretoria

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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The city’s got these hidden gems, bro. For a chill vibe, check out the streets near Van Riebeeck Avenue. Gotta drop by the Lowveld House Museum too – a real gem, history buzzing like a neon sign. And oh, Elandspruit River twists through the land like a living vein. I once had a wild epiphany while sittin' near the riverbank – the water, the vibe, the bittersweet beauty of life's dive – so similar to those poetic whispers from my fave movie!

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